During my junior year in High School, I began to ponder the meaning of life. It had always meant being happy, successful, and living my life to the fullest through doing activities. I wasn’t facing reality. When I heard about people who died young, or when I almost died crossing a street, life begins to seem short, perhaps shorter than I would like. What if I died tomorrow, or later, at a time when I had not pursued my happiness or obtained an undergraduate degree? Where would I end up? All the things that I worked for, such as grades, would be useless. At that time, this feeling of uncertainty and hopelessness leads me to consider committing suicide…
But then I gave up that idea because the methods seemed too painful. Instead, I begin to search for answers to life after death. Being raised in the Chinese culture, the theory of reincarnation was the first thing that came to mind. After imagining myself having to live through the endless cycles of lives as a human being or even a pig, I felt distressed. Ok, what about the evolution that I have always been taught in schools? Well, even if these theories are true, who has created the very original form of life? After all, nothing comes out of nothing. If men can create all the advanced technology, someone higher must have created me. Besides, both theories require a starting point. Since I was determined to know this ultimate creator and further my search for meaning, I went to a church nearby my house.
“’You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord.�? Jeremiah 29:13-14. This verse is testified in my life when my aunt warned me that the church (Jehovah’s Witness) I had been having bible studies with for a year is a cult. Note that my aunt was the first Christian in the entire household and that family conflict has hindered any communication between us since I was five and perhaps longer if she had not make that dangerous attempt. Now looking back, God’s sovereignty was obviously at work. Thank God that I was still open and serious about seeking the truth. Upon leaving that church, I visited many others and finally stayed at San Francisco Bible Church.
About two months later, on 8/20/2000, the pastor’s wife from SFBC shared the gospel with me. I still remember the illustration she drew. Romans 3:16, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.�? No matter how hard I try, I could never be perfect to reach the holy, perfect God or entering heaven. As a just God, He cannot allow sin to go unpunished. But God is love and desires to have a relationship with me. Therefore, He sent Jesus, who is perfect and blameless, to come to this sinful world to die on behalf of the wages of my sin. His death on the cross and resurrection bridged the gap that was originally separated by my sins. At that moment, I felt the knocking on the door of my heart. So I accepted Christ by admitting that I am a sinner, surrendering my life to God, and believing that the only way to be reconciled with the Father is through believing that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, three days later rose again…
Since that day, I never regretted my decision to follow Christ. In fact, the more I study the Bible and other religions or life philosophies, the more my faith in Him is strengthened. To me, the biggest testimony of the existence of God is the work He has been patiently doing in my life. I can write the longest paper to share with you how much God has blessed me for the past 2 ½ years. He gave me a reason to live, meaning to all things, even studying. Unlike, other forms of temporary happiness: success, friendships, relationships, God provides me with true joy. His truth set me free from fears of rejection, death, or future for He is in control and that He is my source of confidence and strength. Although I continue to sin, He only hates my sin but loves me unconditionally. Even during hardships, I can trust in Him for He is sovereign, faithfully walking by my side. Unlike my earthly father whom I see once a year, my heavenly father is there every minute, every second, And He is also there for you, longing to have a relationship with you, waiting for you to return to His embrace…